THIRTEEN.

If you needed to whack a zombie in the head with a book, which book would you use?

The Last Man, by Mary Shelley.

If you could only have one book with you while trapped on a desert island, which book would it be?

How to Survive on a Desert Isle, by I. M. Hardy.

Which character would you most love to bring to life to meet?

The ampersand.

Which character or creature terrifies you the most?

Character? The hashtag. Creature? I didn't want to scare anyone with this, but the hashtag IS a creature.

Name the book that you loved most as a child.

A Pictorial History of Time Travel, by me.

Name a book that you wish you had read as a child.

How to Escape a Desert Isle, by I. C. Sayles.

What author has had the biggest impact on your life?

That story isn't over yet. I am prepared to be surprised - in a semi-prepared way.

What author has had the biggest impact on your reading or writing style?

You are asking me to name the worst author I've read - the one I swore I'd never go near in terms of style, content, or cliché.

Think of something related to books that you could get years ago, which you dearly miss.

Extra-strong mints.

Think of something related to books that you couldn’t get until recently, which you love.

Published.

Name a book where you wish you could rewrite the ending.

The War of the Worlds.

Name the book that most moved you emotionally.

One of several coffee-table books is the culprit. Those glossy pages with their scythe-like edges handed out the worst paper-cuts. I'd have to search for traces of blood, to name the exact title. Moved me to tears, whatever the hell it was.

Which author could come up with the most creative way to change a light bulb?

Edward Lear.

Which author could best describe how to change a light bulb in an exciting way?

Muriel Spark.

Can you think of a wild pen name that you’d be too embarrassed to use as an author?

Yes, but I could always use it in a porn movie.

Can you devise a really embarrassing typo?

Go to this blog post and marvel at the answer by E.B. Black. Q&A WITH E.B. BLACK.

If you had to write a poem or short story without one letter of the alphabet, which letter would that be?

I've removed the one that comes after Z. My work here is done.

If you could remove a common word from the English language, which one would you choose?

Common.

Devise a creative twist for the ending of a classic fairy tale.

Woodsman bursts in and kills the wolf. But the wolf wakes up. It was all a dream. Wolf recalls dressing as granny in that nightmare. Accepts he has cross-dresser tendencies. Goes shopping. Becomes a sensation. Launches fantastic career. Earns too much money. Throws it away on drugs. Dies penniless in the gutter. Then granny wakes up inside the wolf's belly - for the dream was but a dream. Meanwhile, in another part of the forest, a girl in a red cape develops the ability to fly.

Devise a clever title for a parody of a popular novel.

Wuthering Breadths.

   Alternatively, The Grate Cat's Brie. A novel of life and love in the Miaowing Twenties. There's a cat. He's known for grating soft cheese. I don't want to spoil the twist.